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92852
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 10-07-2011 Location:
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posted on 10-07-2011 at 10:06 |
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Why does it feel like a roller coaster!
Never thought of joining a forum, let alone looking at other forums wondering...does anyone care...but this is worth a try.
Where to start...my day was just as normal as any other, I took my kids to their game and he showed up and wanted to talk after. When we got a chance to talk, he hit me with divorce papers. I went into shock, then in denial, and I was an emotional wreck. Didn't file a response until 3 weeks later...that's how long!
Now 2 months have passed and I can't help but feel 2 different ways. One I wanna fight, and make this the most painful decision he ever had to go through. He smiles in my face as if I'm ok with it. I'm not! Then I have another side that just says...divorce his behind and let him do what he does best...disappear. The kids are used to it, I'm used to it. But I can't have you running back and forth into my life...it is confusing me.
Never thought I would feel scornful but in this stage, I have found I am a fighter that'll make him regret what he has done but another side I feel that I should leave him alone, I think he has found someone he feels he can confide in so this divorce thing to him is just closure so he can continue this new found life he has. Do I be nice and give him what he wants or do I fight, do I listen to him and his lawyer or do I find my own...if he felt his would be easy...why get a lawyer?
I really don't know how to feel. I throw myself into work and my kids to keep me heavily sedated in their world so I don't think of this but out of no where...I realize and recognize thru time...he moved all his items out and personal items too...only to leave a basket of clothing and the misc items men leave most in the garage.
I told myself, nothing he does will affect me but the things he does do that affect our children kill me and then comes the scornful part. I look at him differently as if he an act on a stage. I get so enraged that I lock it up...I start working again and trying things to occupy my mind to stop thinking like a scornful woman. I do not like feeling like this, I'm a fighter but a knowledgable one to know that strength requires power but not just physical power. I read, I write, I work, I work out, I keep busy in any matter I can but the roller coaster returns...once I have a pause in time...that 30 seconds of quiet in the storm of it all starts to feel like hours and I remember....I remember....he filed for divorce. I wanna get off this ride...it's starting to make me sick.
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SpartyLion
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 12-17-2011 Location:
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posted on 12-17-2011 at 15:18 |
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Stay Tough
I understand your ride because mine is the same where I have been up and down. Some days I am strong and think maybe her leaving me is what is best and other days I want her back and will do anything to convince her I am the one she wants.
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jaidynskiss
Junior Member
Posts: 10
Registered: 08-17-2011 Location:
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posted on 12-21-2011 at 12:55 |
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Deal with the pain
I hate to say it, but it sounds like you are overwhelming yourself in daily life activities so that you can try and forget the pain. This is not a good approach in dealing with the situation at hand. Remember, you are your most valuable asset. You are your kids most valuable asset. Of course, you have to be strong for the kids and continue with life, but you also need to find ways to deal with and ease the pain now so that you can really start living your life again.
Don't try and erase the pain, it will be there until its dealt with and mended. Talk about your insecurities with friends and family, you will see that people do care. You are not alone, you have resources.
Also, don't fight him, it sounds like his mind is made up. Go ahead and go through the divorce, and if you can afford it, hire a lawyer. A lawyer of your own can give you concrete legal advise that his lawyer most likely will not give you due to not being paid by you. A lawyer of your own will also stand beside you and give you straight answers about things that his lawyer may be elaborating a little too much on. His lawyer has the potential to take advantage of you, don't let that happen.
Here is a website that has a ton of information regarding laws on divorce, blogs and information written by a lawyer. http://virginiadivorceattorney.com
Also, I wrote about my experience in divorce that may help you.
http://virginiamilitarydivorce.blogspot.com
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